It’s about the revenue, Stupid!

Dear Utah State Lawmakers,

I hate to interrupt you while you are surely congratulating each other on the sales tax revenue windfall generated by your new firework laws, but before you make your final calculations, I would like to bring to your attention some additional expenses to consider. First, I think each Utah household should be given a supply of Ambien for next July, and should receive free therapy for all pets exposed to 28 days of random explosions. Our dog Tux has always been crazy, but has now stopped eating, and our cat Reggie has stopped chasing grasshoppers for fear of things just blowing up without warning.

Seriously, have you considered the impact on animals of a month of fireworks going off over a span of six or seven hours each day? And have you considered the sanity of your citizenry lighting a $35 arial firework sequence at 4 PM? It’s mind boggling.

I know that I can’t argue against the general public’s urge to blow stuff up, but can’t it be limited to the actual holiday? We can then reasonably gather our pets inside and hold each other until the barrage is over. Personally, I prefer to gather with the community and watch the professionals run the show. I can then satisfy my annual firework and Neil Diamond needs all in one glorious night.

Thanks for considering this constituent.

(A little background information for those of you not familiar with local Utah stuff: This year, new fireworks laws were introduced in Utah that now allow powerful arial fireworks to be set off by ordinary citizens for pretty much the whole month of July. Lawmakers official explanation for the change was that they wanted to keep the sales tax revenue in state, as many Utahns make a run to the border to buy Wyoming fireworks.)

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