So, a few weeks ago, I found myself at our local supermarket late at night, and I had ONE thing in my shopping cart: A giant package of toilet paper. Now,it’s a well-known fact that whenever you pass someone in the grocery store, you glance at the contents of their cart, and then you think something. Usually something like, “Hey, looks like they’re going on a picnic”, or “Gee, she must really like ice cream”, but when I only have a giant pack of TP in my cart, I’m pretty sure that other shoppers are thinking “Wow, that guy must really poop a lot”
Now, I’m not totally stupid, I know that Everyone Poops. But I don’t necessarily want to be associated with that image, so, as a diversion, I grabbed a Big Hunk from the candy aisle as I glided by, and placed it on top of the multiple rolled, plastic-wrapped, bathroom behemoth.
I briefly believed that my diversion had worked, because when I scooted towards the door after completing my transaction, the overly friendly cashier called after me “Enjoy your candy, sir!”
But I know what she was thinking.